We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need water and some morals
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize