The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
