Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
