farters have to be the big spoon...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
