Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
try to milk me bitch
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