Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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