so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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