I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
