Can i not drive my cunt home
He kissed a someone with a penis
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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