my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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