Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
