Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
