one two three fourrrrnication!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
