singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
