Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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