I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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