Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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