apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
