so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this boner is exhausting
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize