All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Green mimosas i think yes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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