It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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