I will die if light touches me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
