youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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