Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
