if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
