Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
