the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
