How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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