I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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