So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
