we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
