I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Randomize
