I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
