I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
