i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
