I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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