You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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