the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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