so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
