I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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