i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
time to smoke my breakfast
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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