I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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