He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
