I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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