looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize