the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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