I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
