Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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