my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
