I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize