Dude my mom stole all your condoms
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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