You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was CRYING into my vagina
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
