He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
