her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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