and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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