Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
