yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
