I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
