The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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