haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
