at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
