I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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