dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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