my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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