I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
