Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
