tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
