She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
