Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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