I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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