today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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