Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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