So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
