Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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