Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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