She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
