garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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