omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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