census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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