That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
